January 2012
7 posts
On my way to a bachelorette party.
Fingers crossed for a male stripper.
And by male stripper, I mean cake.
No One Said It Would be Easy: Another Tumblr Post... →
undercover-blondie:
As with all places/spaces that have human beings in them, Tumblr has its good points and its bad points.
However, it has some problems that are unique to the online world. Namely, the cloak of anonymity that some people choose to hide behind when they hurt, harrass,…
I feel like if you have your full name with ‘Anon’ next to it, you don’t have a grasp on what ‘anonymous’ means, and should be sterilized for stupidity.
December 2011
17 posts
1 tag
drunkrenegade asked: This isn't a question. I just want you to know that I fucking love you. A lot-lot-lot.
Every Ke$ha remix that I've -accidentally- heard,...
“What’s that little sign that you put at the end of your text? It’s...”
– My mom, the tech genius.
I've decided that everyone's Christmas gifts this...
"Awkwardness will always find you."
My life summed up in five words.
I'm really good at anything that doesn't involve...
November 2011
22 posts
I've had 4 calls from random numbers today.
I feel like someone put my number on a bathroom wall or something.
I think my goal for next Halloween is to grow my...
I get 100% of my misinformation from the Internet.
Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m thankful for:
- My two stomachs.
-The Arrested Development marathon on IFC.
(Just kidding, I don’t celebrate Thanksgiving. So please, American friends, direct your mass text messages elsewhere.)
I’m scared that when I die, I’ll only be remembered for boobs/dead baby jokes.
Happy Birthday.
Friend #1: Maybe I didn't want to know, but it took me 26 years to realize I'm a Valentine's Day baby. Might be cute if my parents weren't involved.
Friend #2: I don't understand.
Friend #1: My birthday is almost exactly 9 months after Valentine's Day.
Friend #2: Oh, I see... Mine's 9 months and a day after new year's day. That champagne will get you.
Sister: I was informed that I was actually a "daddy's birthday" baby. Vomit.
Me: Well, if I counted back correctly, I was made in September... So, I must have been "just a wild night".
“If I’m ever killed on the way to Wal-Mart, please tell the authorities...”
– Sebastian.
Dear Self Restraint,
You are my best quality. Without you, I’d have a lot less friends and maybe even a few restraining orders.
Love,
Me
It's in the Bible!
Me: Call me crazy, but I think having 20 kids is kind of irresponsible.
Sister: False. It's a blessing from heaven.
Me: True. I don't know what I was thinking. I am Catholic whose sole mission from God is to populate the world with more Catholics.
Sister: That, and to be a loving wife and homemaker.
Me: And to completely submit to my husband because he is always right and bitches like me caused our fall from grace.
Sister: Well, that part is true. It's in the Bible.
Me: Right after the part where the snake talks and dinosaurs never existed.
October 2011
33 posts
My glass is always half fool.
Some kid on Xbox sent me a voice message telling...
SUCCESS!
I’ve been there, Kid. I even have an autographed bobblehead doll of Lucifer as a souvenir.
Speaking words of his magnificence.
He’s unbelievably charming. Very handsome, always happy.
So sweet and silly. Argumentative and stubborn. So genuine.
Annoyingly adorable and full of surprises.
He doesn’t give a good goddamn about protocol. He ditched formalities a long time ago and he says ‘Fuck’ a lot.
He will never hesitate to tell me when I’m being an idiot.
He loves Star Wars and heavy...